Before I delve into the finer points of conspiracy theory, I’d first like to direct your attention to this fine article I came across at lunch today.

Now, I’m all about headlines (or, rather, reading between them), but this undeniable claim:

scatmars.jpg

highlights some of the wonders of investigative journalism in its prime. I’d also like to make special note of their image name – just, you know, in case the catch-phrase didn’t spell it out for you.

Now I assume everyone’s had a keen eye on the developments of the martian lander, and so you don’t need me to bust out my moves and tell you what it’s all about. Like about how it could take samples of things on the ground and investigate their composition in order to determine all softs of cool shit, as its scientifically known.

Initially they just wanted to find out if the red mass could sustain life, by locating ice samples and essentially boiling them in a miniature bucket-bong in order to provide a component-level breakdown of the soil. This so “they”, the scientists, could all sit around afterwards and scrutinise over the geology of the planet. Probably while listening to Bob Marley; and probably while muttering “huhuhuh” between mouthfuls of Cheezles.

However, after today’s announcement, rather than release their findings to the general scientific community, which one would expect from such an enterprise (and has been the case up until now) – they’ve opted play hidey-seeky with the White House. This inevitably leads to my first question:

Does the White House really have a bathroom where tourists take happysnaps of their favourite US pollies?

And secondly, what’s with all the hush-hush?

ARE THEY COMING TO GET US? ..

THEY’RE COMING TO GET US AREN’T THEY!