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Phonic, a retrospective.

If you had asked me 12months ago if I ever thought I’d be doing what I am now, I would have laughed at you.

You see, approximately 12 months ago, I was sitting at home, basking in all the glory that is unemployment. No responsibilities and all the free fucking time I could handle. Life just doesn’t get any better.

However the dream was shattered one day when my housemate (Pastheus) comes home and says, in all his usual eloquence, ‘Are you going to get a fucking job or what cunt?’. The profoundness of the question made my inner ethics start to stir. The dream had to die.

That afternoon I looked through the job advertisements in the local rag. One catches my eye straight away; it’s a position for a Casino Surveillance Operator. ‘That could be interesting’, I thought to myself, ‘Should give that a whack!’.

That one fatal life decision put a halting fucking screech to my leisurely life-style. Now faced by 40 to 70 hour working weeks, serious amounts of over-time owing and more responsibility than a 3rd world leader, I look back with envy.

It’s not all Doom and Gloom (or Death and Decay perhaps?). I have recently earned my Motorbike license, bought said vehicle, on a handsome salary, respected by my peers (Pencils up-ended in a steaming pile of shit is just a sign of affection) and a bright future in international travel. It seems I’ve done a 180 from my last profession.

You see, I hated being in I.T. It’s a dead end game. Perhaps its I.T. in the Northern Territory, perhaps not. But the only way I could see myself getting ahead, was actually giving head. That’s not quite my forte; even though my boss was actually quite attractive, if not a complete back-stabbing fucking whore. *kisses*.

So what’s the point of all this dribble? I hear you ask. Well, it’s kind of a retrospective of my life over the last year. It may sound like I cut myself every night before going into a self fueled hate induced coma; but it’s not. I’m actually happy doing what I do and how often I do it. In short, life’s fucking dandy for me right now.

My next biggest hurdles include losing weight, making more friends and finding a female who has low enough standards to fuck me for a lengthy period of time (It’s Darwin, it can’t be that hard).

Tally-ho!

(and merry fucking Xmas).