After a few weeks of contemplation with nothing to do, I’ve come to the realisation that I’m addicted to acceleration and performance.

So I’m now tempted to go spend a bit of money and upgrade my people mover. And before the motley crew pipes in, I’ve never really been that interested in bikes.  Two wheels, no carriage, all that bitumen. Just no.

In fact, if you were ever a Warner Brother’s fan as a kid, well.. I was the guy who empathised with the Coyote.  He always had a plan - he just never had the right tools.  So no, bikes seem about as safe to me as lighting the fuse of an ACME rocket strapped to your gonads.  And I happen to like my gonads. They’re all spongy.

And so, set upon my task of… actually, this brings me to an interesting point. A point I kind of brought up in conversation in guild the other day.

Why in the hell do we still measure things in horse-power? Or candle-light intensity for that matter? Ya know? Didn’t we invent a metric system at some point back in the late 1700’s? I was under the impression that became fashionable.

So anyway, the stock Z comes with about two-hundred invisible thoroughbreds including stables and housing, which they bolt to the front of your car.  You still have to foot the food bill however, and let me tell you, those little fuckers are hungry. They’re all stirruped to the back axle in such a way that you leap into forward motion whenever you crack your metallic whip.

Well, after some hunting around I found a place in Sydney that would not only give me more horses; but they’d make the ones I already had run almost twice as fast!

Apparently they pry their mouths open, elongate their necks a little, tear out their wind wipe and feed it back down their oesophagus, and shove this massive funnel up their arse to improve the digestive process.  They say it’s ok because it’s more efficient.  Heads up to the RSPCA on that one.

But after talking to this dude on the phone, I felt a bit like Scooby after hearing Velma explain how the Gardener had master-minded his grand plan.  Which is to say, I say there with a stupid grin on my face, nodding my head up and down with my tongue lulling out my mouth, while long spindles of drool kind of dribbled down my front.

My idea at this point is if I bother to pay for all this, I’d like to take it up as a new hobby:  go out to some track days and have a bit of fun.

So my question is:

Has anyone ever done this kind of stuff before?

If so, I’d love to hear some worldly advice.  Tips, tricks, anything would be appreciated.